This has been a very different month for me—different from any month I've ever had before.
Two weeks ago, when I posted my last diary entry, I was feeling very confused about where I was supposed to be in my life. In the two weeks that followed, I continued my days: walking, listening to podcasts, eating healthy, living life. One of the podcasts I listed to was called Self Obsessed by Tam Kaur. In one of her episodes, she explained how our nervous systems try to protect us from failure and judgment. Because of that, they often can't recognize that the discomfort of the unknown can actually lead us somewhere better. Our brains aren't designed to see past what we don't know yet; they're just trying to keep us safe in the present moment.
It's hard to sit in this kind of state of confusion, unsure of what your next move is. But I know now that being confused about what's next is actually one of the best places you can be.
Another thing that the episode talked about was that our brains can only imagine the ideas we've already come up with. They can't predict opportunities we haven't encountered yet or outcomes we haven't anticipated. I guess that makes sense—and that's why i've gone back to my usual level of unbotheredness.
While I still at times try and mentally unveil what's to come and am left unsure, I am so much more at ease. Because... there is nothing more I can do than just live my days with a positive intent, and be myself.
Over the past two weeks, I've put myself to the ultimate test. I did something that was actually much harder than it sounds. I dared to wear the things I wanted to wear, speak when I was afraid to, and be unapologetically and authentically myself.
At first, it took some time to adjust—to understand that there is no other me, and that the greatest thing I can be is me and all the things that come with it. Once I settled into myself a little harder than usual, it became comfortable. Life felt lighter, things felt easier, and people genuinely looked at me differently.
The difference was that I wasn't asking myself, Are they looking at me because they think I look silly in these sunglasses? Instead, I found myself thinking, They can tell I'm one of a kind, and they're intrigued by it.
